Published: 08/20/2018 - Updated: 02/14/2019
Author: MSc. Miriam Reyes
I think that everything we want in life is like butterflies: they can all be caught, they all flutter in front of us for a moment or two. There they are, flitting about. They almost seem like they’re ours, and they can even rest in our hand, or even our noses! But then, just like that, poof! The butterfly launches into the air, and flies out of sight. It seems like we’ll never again be able to hold them. This can seem sad, yes, but there’s something even sadder: not seeing the butterfly at all. To not see the butterfly because we’re too busy looking around, searching, rationalizing or resolving the enigma of “Where are all those beautiful butterflies?”.
Butterflies represent money, a beautiful house, stability in relationships, a good job, health, a great adventure, or really, whatever we want them to. Often times we can trap these butterflies, but other times we can’t. Sometimes we have to put up a great fight, and it just feels impossible. Other times we just don’t even know where to look.
And even though there are often times a lot of things that prevent us from catching our butterfly and flying with her, one of the greatest impediments is our own impatience, which makes it nearly impossible to achieve our dreams.
Why do we feel impatient?
There are a lot of things going on inside us when we feel impatient, or act impulsively: insecurity, a lack of emotional maturity or a low self-esteem. But above all, impatience comes from a very deeply embedded thought inside ourselves: “I feel alone“.
Feeling alone means that we don’t rely on our own presence, be it moral, intellectual, or creative, as a source of support or security. We don’t trust in who we are or in our own talents that we have or could develop. We are not faithful or sincere friends to ourselves. This is what makes us feel devalued, fearful, and anxious. While on the one hand, we try to pacify this instability and internal emptiness with rushed, poorly thought out and immature attitudes, those outside of us – our “butterflies” – perceive this strong affective need, this instability, and we transmit our lacking and needs to them, even though we may not realize it. We react with strong, brisk movements, which, while they are meant to trap our “butterflies”, only seems to scare them away. This attitude, which we usually don’t even notice, is undoubtedly perceived by others, even though they never tell us.
We have all been impatient at some point in our lives. And what did it ever get us? Poor results that we didn’t even want. That’s why, in order to get what we want, and to try to “catch our butterflies”, it is so important that you understand impatience from its deepest root. Begin by recognizing your own instability, your own dissatisfaction, and above all, your own affective needs. This can be a huge obstacle if we don’t know how to understand it, and if we get trapped in it, like a rock in our own “butterfly” net.
Being conscious of our own strengths and weaknesses is a huge step towards moving closer to our world of butterflies, but this must be done in conjunction with something deeper that fills us inside: what could it be?
Our voice. Above all else, we need our own voice. This means letting the way we speak be our own support, our own emotional nature, and our own refuge for our greatest visions. Let it never be a way in which we talk down to ourselves, or to punish, reprimand, or constantly make ourselves feel ridiculous. The way in which we talk to ourselves should be motivating, inspiring, and should intelligently carry us to where we want to go. Let it pamper us, and value our needs.
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The words that we use with ourselves are an unbeatable way to begin transforming this sensation of being alone into an impulse and creative sensation. A friendly relationship and our own accomplice is what will truly begin to fill the absence that we feel inside. And by feeling more confident, we will little by little begin to catch the butterflies we want, and we will begin to understand what time is. We will stop putting ourselves in difficult and undeserving situations, because we will begin to feel the tremendous transformative power that our own words have on us.
Getting what you want, as we all know, involves several ingredients, and implies a lot of steps involved. But if we begin with these small, yet enormous, details, little by little we will soon feel able to overcome life.
Revised by: Dra. Loredana Lunadei on 02/14/2019
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