Published: 12/19/2014 - Updated: 12/30/2017
Author: MSc. Miriam Reyes
It’s true that being shy can be, to a certain point, attractive. Shy people stand out as a bit mysterious and seductive, but shy people don’t always have a good time in their world.Shy people can be defined as individuals that find it difficult to relate with others, or they find it difficult to say what they feel or think, letting their opinion or point of view known, or those that feel uneasy when the attention is on them. Shy people generally don’t like to be the center of attention and they feel perturbed when someone notices their defects or weaknesses. It is difficult for them to say no to something because they’re afraid of getting on bad terms with others, or being unaccepted. That’s why they generally hide behind the veil of silence, false smiles, or they simply isolate themselves from others.
If you consider yourself shy, don’t worry. Shyness is something that you can start to understand, which could transform your life. Truly being shy is neither “good” nor “bad”, it is just a behavior pattern used whenever you feel insecure about who you are.
Why am I shy?
Deep down shy people are generally the way they are because they are very worried about what others think of them. Their attention is very centered on themselves, on what people will say or think about them, about others liking them, doing things well, outside acceptance, etc., which is why they generally don’t allow themselves to express themselves.
When a person is very focused on his or herself, they generally tend to have a lot of fear of messing up or doing things “wrong”. They frequently feel insecure about what they are, because their moods and vision about themselves, as well as their peace and happiness, depend on what other people believe, think or say to them.
Being oneself in spite of shyness
There is nothing less comfortable than not saying what you think, not doing what you want, nor being able to be who you are. Being shy is to be trapped in a world in which you can’t stretch out as much as possible.
If you want to feel more secure about who you are and you want to be able to share yourself with others, and be more fully yourself. We are going to give you a few foolproof secrets so your personality can be more charismatic and shine with more personal strength.
- Connect with yourself and accept yourself as you are: this is the basic key for overcoming shyness. If you know who you are, you will know your weaknesses and strengths, which you will have to accept more fluidly and consciously so that if someone notices them, they don’t perturb you. If someone gives you a compliment, you will graciously accept it if you know it is true, and if someone talks about a weakness, or criticizes you, you will know how to accept it without being bothered.
- Do not criticize yourself: you must be friendly with yourself and avoid relentlessly criticizing yourself if you make a mistake. Shy people are generally perfectionist and demand too much of themselves, which is why they need to learn how to take chances and mess up, without feeling bad about it. Always remember that making mistakes is what makes people wise.
- Frequently observe yourself and talk to yourself as if you were your own best friend.
- Don’t worry about what other people say or think: if you hang on what your neighbor, girlfriend, or friends think about you…you will never be happy! You need to learn to center yourself on what you like about yourself, and forget about whether someone else thinks it’s right or not. Be yourself and learn to create your own opinions. Don’t get carried away by what everyone else says.
- Be friendly: shy people generally don’t seem very smiley or friendly because this implies contact with others. However, you must try to be friendly and cordial with others, even though you are embarrassed to say hi to others or to make eye contact. You must force yourself to smile and be cordial with those that surround you.
- Stop thinking about what others will say or think: if, rather than worrying about what others will say, you instead focus on making others feel good, you will notice how you forget about being shy.
And always remember one thing: you were not born to make anyone else happy. You were not born to please anyone nor to live according to what others say. You were born to be yourself, to please yourself and to make yourself happy. You attention should be focused more and more on finding out who you are, getting to know yourself, becoming aware of what you want and using your strength intelligently and friendly in order to get it. The happier you let yourself be, the more confident you will feel to share yourself with others, and the less you will care about what others think about you.
Revised by: Dra. Loredana Lunadei on 12/30/2017
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