Published: 11/19/2014 - Updated: 12/31/2017
Author: MSc. Miriam Reyes
Cultivating confidence in yourself is one of the bases for constructing a more free, enjoyable, and grandiose life. Feeling secure with who you are fills your personality with charisma and attraction, it makes people feel comfortable and confidence in your presence, and gives you a special character strength for deciding and building your dreams. This could, in some way, powerfully influence others.
It’s not always so easy to feel secure with who you are, however. A lot of times people have deep insecurities that block them from fulfilling themselves and feeling comfortable with who they are. Insecurity, mistrust, and self-image.
Insecurity and a lack of confidence in who you are is related to your self-image that you have created over time. Self-image is influenced especially by what others made us believe about ourselves and what we admitted as true. Someone who has grown in an environment in which they were under-valued, or they didn’t feel loved or respected, might have an unworthy or under-valued self-image.
How you see yourself sends silent, but very powerful messages to others. Although you don’t say it, and even if you don’t notice it or act it out consciously, you send messages to others regarding how you perceive yourself. If you feel you lack in worth, friendliness, importance, etc., that’s how others will see you. But if you see yourself as intelligent, strong, creative, grandiose, etc., that’s how others will feel about you.
People treat us according to how we feel towards ourselves. That’s why, if you want people to treat you with more dignity, respect and love, you need to start making changes in yourself.
How to develop more self-confidence
Fortunately, you can change the way in which you see and perceive yourself, even though you are very deeply-rooted or it is deeply ingrained. One of the first steps is to learn to see where you are insecure, recognize it and accept it as a step prior to transformation. Whenever you deny what you feel or are, you will not be able to grow. So the first step is to observe and accept your weaknesses.
You are insecure if:
- You feel uncomfortable being around others.
- You don’t enjoy the company of others because you are trying to avoid being criticized, judged, rejected.
- If you feel disapproval when you need to decide something.
- If you can’t keep eye contact when you talk to others.
- If you feel like you have to give to others for them to accept or love you.
- If you have to fake that you feel good with someone or like you have to “tolerate” them.
- If you frequently shout at others or ask them for things in a bad mood.
- If you always try to be right.
- If you choose the smallest or the “least” whenever you can choose what you like or what you want.
- If you try to please everyone at your own expense.
- If you frequently intimidate or scare others, either by threatening or punishing, so they do what you want.
Steps for beginning to feel secure
Once you have detected your insecurities, you might notice that a lot of them come deep down from a fear of not being accepted, admired, or loved by others. Or you might feel that you aren’t worthy of having the most beautiful and grandiose things in life. These are some of the central roots in insecure people, that feel like they don’t deserve or fear being disapproved of or unloved.
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Self-confidence means that you feel comfortable and at peace with who you are. In general terms, a secure person knows how to disguise themselves. For this, you need to learn primarily to be with yourself. If you don’t know how to be with yourself, how to listen, understand, have fun, and love yourself, you will not be able to listen, have fun, or be with others.
- Learn to observe what makes you feel insecure and don’t judge or criticize yourself.
- Start friendly dialogues with yourself.
- If you are going to please someone just to fit in, think first about what you would like to do, and try to follow what you want.
- Learn to say no.
- Avoid asking forgiveness for everything you do.
- Don’t give too many explanations for why you want or have decided something.
- Avoid reacting initially when you are angry or you feel insecure. You are responsible for what you feel, and not anyone else. Try better at calming down beforehand and resolving things inside you. Listen to yourself and give yourself solutions.
- Avoid criticizing yourself or scolding yourself. If you take a look, self-demand or perfectionism are patterns that you may have learned from people who raised you, and you could just be repeating it.
- Give yourself permission to make mistakes without feeling small or less than others.
- Play with yourself. Don’t take things so seriously.
- Know your weakness and accept them. Then, try to find ways of strengthening them.
Spirituality and self-security
Learn how to get to know yourself better and to discover the grandeur that is inside you. Understand yourself and discover your creative potential. Cultivating it is a powerful strength within yourself that will fill you not only with security and confidence, but also with a special magic that others will love.
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Revised by: Dra. Loredana Lunadei on 12/31/2017
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