Luckily Ugly

“It’s just that ugly people feel unattractive, and therefore try harder to please others or make others feel important or well liked”.  That’s what one expert on love said when someone asked them why ugly people have more luck than beautiful people.  And although this isn’t always the case, you’ll be able to find a lot of cases out there where beautiful people don’t have as much luck as ugly people do.

Who remembers the most beautiful man or woman from just a few years ago, or hundreds or thousands of years ago?  No one.  Do you think it was Cleopatra, Don Juan, Maria Felix?  Well, they were not only remembered for their beauty, but because they had something more, they were intelligent, charismatic, and most of all, they knew how to make each and every person feel special and unique.  For example, Don Juan made every woman that he saw feel like the only woman in the world, without becoming impatient and without looking away.  What was their secret?  They seduced that individual’s intimacy, and not their body.

Very attractive people can have complexes, even though you may not believe it.  Being beautiful or attractive does not buy self-esteem nor other qualities that must be developed or cultivated in order to be successful in relationships, like certainty or personal acceptance.  Worrying about making others feel special, being considerate, appreciative and humble when relating with others.

The point is that some beautiful people can have small or large problems: because it’s so easy for them to attract others, they might think that they don’t need to do much to attract attention, which could make them careless when trying to win someone over.  Attracting someone easily could make you less friendly, impatient, or disinterested both in yourself and in others.  In some cases, beautiful people could feel superior because it’s   so easy to attract others.  Or, on the other hand, they could feel intimidated or ashamed from so easily catching attention.

On the other hand, not attracting others easily could be a big problem or challenge, (depending on how you look at it) for those who aren’t very attractive.  They may need to become more ingenious to attract attention, perhaps developing friendliness, certainty, a good sense of humor, etc.  That’s why a lot of times, the ugly or unattractive people seem to have more luck than “pretty people”.

However, both “ugly” people as well as “beautiful” people can feel inferior; one from not having the physical resources to win people over, and the other for not being able to hold on to what they attract.  But if both of these individuals consider the physical body as a starting point, this is nothing more than a sack of proteins that, without “the insides”, it wouldn’t be anything.  So perhaps we could start to transform our luck in affective relationships. 

Being too centered on the physical aspects, or valuing someone from outside alone, is equal to looking at the cover of a book without opening it or reading it, or buying it just because the cover looks good.  It’s true that the cover or that packaging of who we are is our physical body, which we must take care of and love with respect and thankfulness.  The essence of winning people over comes primarily from how we have won ourselves over: surmounting our own insecurities, weaknesses, etc.  Falling in love with someone consists first of falling in love with who we are, creating a beautiful personal world so that when the individual “reads us”, they find beautiful and interesting things.  These things make our “cover” seem small.

One of the biggest advantages for those who are not blessed physically is that perhaps they realize first hand that one must create a beautiful personal world, and that not being a knockout takes the attention away from looks, and they stop focusing on their physical beauty.

And yet, it doesn’t matter how you look, if you’re short, tall, beautiful, ugly, blue eyes, black eyes, or whatever you have.  Stop focusing or living for the body and aesthetic proportions.  Live to cultivate your mind and interior world, and you will then become not only more attractive, but more unforgettable.

Revised by: Dra. Loredana Lunadei on 12/30/2017

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