Published: 09/21/2015 - Updated: 12/28/2017
Do you like your professor? Are you attracted to your dentist? Do you dream about being close to your favorite artist? It’s easy to become smitten with these people. And do you know why? Because admiration is a fundamental part of the attraction and starting point of love. People that teach us something that we like, or that help us overcome our fears, to challenge our doubts, to feel better about ourselves, and that represent something that we want to be or have, are perfect targets for the heart. Someone that heads up something that you like, or that is a leader in your environment, undoubtedly has developed abilities that are often times desirable.
For example: I like my boss
You may admire your boss’s social skills, their intelligence, their ability to make certain decisions. In a teacher or trainer, you may admire their developed abilities, and you may be looking for some of their qualities. Teachers have mastered what we feel we haven’t yet, which is very attractive. It’s almost like seeing yourself in him/her. Regarding a doctor, on the other hand, you may admire his/her friendliness, their concern for you, hoping you’re doing alright, and because they give you their time, without rushing you or being distracted. This helps you think and reflect on things, they provide you with understanding and patience, which is something you may never get in your life.
Love or admiration?
Admiration is easily aroused whenever you see that someone else has something you want, or that you’re lacking in your life. But you should not confuse this with love. Admiring someone could make your heart skip a few beats, and you might even start to imagine them as the perfect person for you.
Admiration is a part of love, but it isn’t everything. This could be a fleeting attraction, and if you look closely, the chemicals may feel strong, but this doesn’t always last, especially when you start to get to know someone well.
A lot of young girls and boys become smitten with their teachers or trainers, or with older people. They find stability and an unwavering guide. There are a lot of people that find themselves enchanted by their bosses, as well as patients and nurses that fall for doctors. If you are one of these individuals, and you feel like your love is secret, or not mutual, we recommend that before you start building fantasy lands in your mind, you think about the following so that your heart will not be broken:
- Whenever you feel attracted to someone, write down everything that you admire about and feel for that person on a paper. Then, take a look at where you may be lacking these qualities in your own life.
- If you truly feel like you like this person, and that they do not share the same feelings, try to develop the qualities for yourself that you may be searching for in the other.
- Another way of not idealizing a person is to think that even though you like a lot of things about this person, they too have problems or challenges, doubts, and confusion in their life. They may have a great personality and lots of abilities in your eyes, but on the inside they have weaknesses. Seeing only the light that a person brings could be confused with thinking this person is perfect. But he/she is just a person. I often times say to people that have fallen in love with an idea of a perfect person: “You may dream about your favorite artist every day, but live with him/her for one month and you’ll see who they are”.
- If you have the opportunity to talk to this person, we recommend that you try to get close and start some sort of dialogue before you start flirting. Flirting at the office or in school, for example, could be bad timing. Your boss or teacher may not be interested in you, in which case you would be risking your own feelings. You would risk rejection, or a colder treatment. Get close and talk to the person. Get to know them as well as you can.
- If you’ve fallen in love with an artist or someone you can’t get close to, it’s important that you understand what it is that attracts you. Often times we create certain qualities in someone without even knowing the person. You may think that someone is super cute, when really they’re not, or that they are happy or open, when really they’re closed in certain ways. What you admire or dream about is definitely a sign that you need to develop it within yourself.