Single Mother or Father: How to raise a child without a partner or support

In this day and age, there are more divorces and separations than ever before.  It’s common to see single fathers or mothers raising their children.  It isn’t necessary to have a couple in order to raise a child well, but a lot of times one can feel pressure, loneliness, desperation and even anger at having to take care of all of the details for one’s child.

As one single mother said: “The best moment of the week is when their dad comes to take them for the weekend!”  This could be a good rest for a lot of single parents, but some people don’t even have that option, and they need to raise and tend to their children day and night, without any help.  No emotional support, nor financial or schedule help from their partner nor anyone else.

Being a single mother or father

If this is your case, we’re going to give you a few tips for raising your children with a more flowing and happy life.  Being a single father or mother could have truly beneficial effects for your child.

• Make your kids responsible.  Don’t try to fix everything, let them solve their own problems and don’t get weighed down by so many details.  Children are truly very creative and intelligent.  If you let them solve their own problems, you’ll see how they take responsibility in surprising ways.
• For example: they need to have their backpack ready, their school supplies and homework.  You can remind them and give them tips to stay organized, but let them forget things at school.  This will help them pay attention.  As they grow, tell them to make dinner or breakfast.  They’ll have fun doing it, and it will give the older kids a sense of maturity.
• Ask them to help around the house: you don’t need to be wonder woman or wonder man, doing everything.  Make a list and give them responsibilities according to their age.  You could ask the smaller kids to sweep the floor and put toys away, while the older kids can wash the clothes.
• Ask a friend or family member to take care of the kids, and take a break to think just about things for yourself, and to organize your days.  You could even take time to have fun!  A happy mother or father flows much better with responsabilities.
• If you feel weighed down or overloaded from having to decide between work or taking care of the kids, always choose your children.  But then who’s going to pay the bills?  Well, there are a lot of jobs you can do from the house, now that the internet is so accessible, be creative and invent something.  You can do anything, you just need to get motivated.  The best thing for a single parent is to have available time.
• If you suddenly feel alone, don’t forget to give yourself time alone.  Write what you feel and if you don’t want anyone to bother you, tell your kids you need to be alone for a while.  Don’t let responsibilities invade your room for growth.
• Avoid feeling guilty by thinking things like “They don’t have their mother or father”, “The poor kid’s all alone, and doesn’t have anyone to play with”, “They miss their father/mother”.  This will only cause the child(ren) to feel that they’re being raised this way.  Guild causes tress, feelings of rejection and dissatisfaction.  Don’t see this as being a problem, see it as just another experience that you get to live in this world, feel at peace and happy with what you get to live, and learn how to be with yourself.  You’ll notice that this will be transmitted to your children.

Revised by: Dra. Loredana Lunadei on 12/29/2017

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