Published: 10/21/2014 - Updated: 01/07/2018
Author: MSc. Miriam Reyes
“What you didn’t know about your ‘past’ is that, while it continues to affect your present it has not passed, and therefore becomes your present”
This means that even when you remember something or something in your life, and this memory makes you feel depressed, angry, frustrated, etc., or if you feel attraction or disgust towards something or someone, you still haven’t let things “pass on”. This means that this feeling or experience is still echoing in the present moment, and could be the cause that is blocking or stopping you from fulfilling yourself or feeling freer.
Concentrate on the present and don’t look back
A lot of people say that we should focus on beautiful and pleasant things in life, and don’t look back. And it is true that whenever we have understood why we live or experience certain things in life, but when we don’t understand the messages from unpleasant things that we live, the experience will then in some way, stay inside us. It will become a “tiny rock in your shoe” whenever you walk, and you might try to ignore it, avoid it, disguise it, etc. You could even get used to holding it “inside”. But sooner or later, it will show up again, perhaps when your “feet” hurt when walking through life, or when you feel like something is twisting you up, or doesn’t let you truly feel happy, in spite of everything you do.
If you ever have days when you don’t feel good and you “don’t know why”, or in spite of everything that you have, you just don’t feel good, or it’s hard for you to achieve things in life and move forward, there are probably things you have lived that you haven’t resolved, or let go of. You haven’t scrutinized the message that the pain has wanted to send you, or the anger, or whatever unpleasant emotion you felt.
How to let go of what caused you pain, guilt, disgust, etc.
The first thing to do to make an experience and past one, is to learn to see everything you have lived as having the purpose of widening your understanding. This isn’t about always wanting to see the “positive”, nor of fooling yourself with phrases that only mask the pain or feelings like rage, depression, etc. This isn’t about desperately wanting to leave your “past” life behind, ignoring it, or pretending like it doesn’t matter to you, or justifying it with evasive reasoning.
In order for the past to begin being the past, you must learn to observe it, and not to judge what you have lived and felt. You must learn to stop thinking “how things could have been” because this only causes more resistance to seeing what truly was. If you don’t see things clearly as they were, and you cry away or vent the feelings that they caused, you will not learn or free yourself from them. It is therefore necessary that you learn to vent your anger, your tears, even felt aggression, and to speak frankly, to accept what hurts you, to recognize how you perceive situations, to express openly what you would have liked to have said or done, or how you would have like someone else to behave.
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Venting is the most basic step for beginning to let go, because there is no reason it should continue to affect you. A lot of problems with relationships, money, health, etc., come from people that do not truly vent themselves, or that don’t express their sadness or their anger. They try to control what they feel too much, and this causes severe tension within the body.
No one can control all of life, and sooner or later all those things that you still haven’t made peace with, will rise to the surface. Learning to let go is learning to recognize. Nothing and no one has the right to do, say, or think what the best guidelines for you are. People, just like you, are free to think, act, and chose how they want to live.
If you feel attacked, offended, displaced, ignored, mistreated, etc., it’s up to you to change the situation that is in front of you, or what they did to you. If you don’t change your attitudes and thoughts towards something, you will always see it from the same perspective and the experience will never widen your understanding. You will then live with resentment.
There are a lot of things that someone could have lived yesterday. It could be that those people that once caused us to feel bitterness, guilt, anger, etc., aren’t even around anymore. Who knows where they are; they might be very happy and fulfilled, they might not even know what they still cause you. They might not even be affected by your anger. They might not agree on what they “did to you”. But it still affects you.
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The power of your happiness
While you continue to give others power over your happiness, you will never be able to be happy. While you say: “it’s your fault”, while you think: “they didn’t give me, they said, they did, etc.,” your happiness will depend on someone of something else. You will be the victim and there will always be a villain. Or you will become a villain when you try to vent your anger on someone who has nothing to do with it.
So if you want to recover your power to feel happy and free, after venting and openly recognizing everything you feel about yesterday, it is then time to focus your mind on what you want and desire. You’ll notice that things seem easier, and life and your gifts will flow better.
The happier you are, the less you’ll have to complain or reproach others, and you will feel more complete and fulfilled. And if you end up being very happy, you might even end up understanding the people that “harmed” you. Perhaps, in the process of becoming happy, you might even understand the purpose of pain and harm in this world, and you will realize that the only way any human being can hurt another, is out of a lack of happiness and personal satisfaction. An unhappy person will never be able to give happiness, but a happy person can overflow and always give something, without feeling left with nothing afterwards. So asking, demanding, and complaining to someone about happiness, is absurd. It’s like asking an empty bucket for water. No one can give what they don’t have, so if you’re lucky enough to learn to be happy, you could meet your “worst enemy” and you will be able to give them your hand. You might even feel motivated to help then be a little happier in their own life.
When you give without feeling like you’ve lost anything, when you feel like no one owes you anything, you will then be at peace with what was, and you will finally be living in this present moment. This moment gives more strength, because it is this reality that the most grandiose of realities are created, when nothing from the past eclipses your dreams and desires.
Revised by: Dra. Loredana Lunadei on 01/07/2018
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