Published: 05/29/2015 - Updated: 05/16/2018
Author: MSc. Miriam Reyes
It’s normal for couples to experience problems. We are going to give you a list of advice for when you hear the phrases: “I don’t have any time”, “I have to study”, “It would be better if we saw each other another day”… At first you might feel a little despair when your partner starts to cancel on you, they don’t call you as much as before, they don’t look at you with the same enthusiasm when they’re with you.
Generally, individuals can begin having a lot of reactions to a partner’s isolation. One could become more caring, more understanding, and say nice things to the couple to attract them. They might even start to say things like: “Why don’t you call me anymore?” “You’re always busy”, “You’d rather be with your family, friends, school, etc., than me”. And if your partner doesn’t react and is still “stuck in his own world”, you might start to talk to them about it, or even get angry, which could only lead to a separation.
Advice and Tips for Couple’s Problems
But wait. Before saying anything else, we’re going to give you a few super effective tips to see if they react:
1. The “Bee” rule: you should always remember that love should be “like honey”, attracting sweetly. So we recommend never starting anything with tactics. Tactics are not good for anything, if your partner is pulling away they might need time, they may be confused, or need distance to do their things. They might not feel attracted to you anymore. You need to think about it all. But stay calm. Whatever the case, we recommend using more honey than ice to attract them, and one of the first things to do is to become more seductive.
2. Becoming more seductive: in order to become more seductive for your partner, you need to first dominate your anxiety for losing them. If you don’t learn to control your desires to have your partner by your side in order to be happy, and you’re controlled by the pain, jealousy, or impatience, you run the risk of losing everything. What you are saying to your partner with that attitude is that you don’t value or love yourself enough, you “depend” on them in order to be happy, which will take points away from you in their eyes.
3. How can I overcome anxiety? Well, you need to make every effort to tell them sweetly that you miss them whenever your partner tells them that they can’t, or they don’t have time, then give them a give and focus on something that you truly, really like to do.
4. Don’t think about them all day, because this will only give you anxiety, and it will make you imagine unpleasant things. It’s best to focus on something that you like a lot, in spite of being in pain. Dance and sing a love song to yourself (this works really well), and go for a walk. See a movie or read a book. Be very aware of not depending on your partner to be happy, because this will only drain your relationship.
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5. Wait for them to call you. this is important. Don’t weight them down with messages or phone calls. Take control of your hands and do not call. If you just can’t stand it anymore, send a text to say hi, but wait for them to call you or respond. When they do, don’t tell them how much you suffered without them, but just the opposite! Tell them about the things you did and everything that you enjoyed, but be honest, never make it up. Avoid asking them questions about where they were, and let them tell you what they want. Do not pressure them with manipulating questions like “Do you still love me?”, “Why don’t you want to be with me anymore?”, etc.
6. Without saying anything to your partner, become friends only in secret. This is one of the best ways to recover a relationship. Think of yourself as his/her friend, remove any expectations and worry about them as you did when you were friends. Laugh and be their friend. This attitude will prevent you from feeling like they are your property, having rights over them, it eliminates expectations and you’ll see a good response.
7. If you notice that your partner isn’t interested in what you’re saying, change the topic or ask him about himself. If your partner feels cold or distant, nicely say goodbye and focus on something else.
8. And lastly: remember that you need to learn not to depend on anyone in order to be happy with yourself. Focus on things that make you happy and always try to share the best of you. The most irresistible man or woman are those that don’t need anyone to be happy.
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Revised by: Dra. Loredana Lunadei on 05/16/2018
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